


The Hot One

by orphan_account



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Anorexia, Atypical Anorexia, Comedy, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Angst, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Needs a Hug, Deceits name is Ethan, Eating Disorders, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I mean not the slowest of burns but still, Insecure Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, M/M, Pining, Slow Burn, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, also theyre juniors in this, everyone's sympathetic except for side characters yall
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-08-02
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:41:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 15,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23389690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “—and Roman’s the hot one.”Roman blinked. “Sure,” he cracked a smile, “the hot one.”•••Roman Realeza’s biggest priority is to be attractive. After all, if his personality is trash, then his worth is determined by his looks, right? Right. That sounded logical.Logan Berto, meanwhile, would disagree. But he’s stuck pining over this absolute idiot, while he also tries to convince his oblivious friends that Roman is NOT okay.
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Comments: 474
Kudos: 305





	1. Buzzfeed Sucks

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings: Eating disorder (atypical anorexia), self-hate, body image issues, harmful products (appetite-suppressing lollipops)
> 
> ||||
> 
> If I have to live in a world w/ coronavirus, I sure as hell am gonna write fics where it doesn’t exist ajjsks. Also this starts off with a lot of angst, and yes, this will be a story consisting of a lot of Roman angst but also there’ll be fluff & funny stuff & it’ll just be a cool time 😎
> 
> P.S. deceits name is ethan

It was a few weeks before spring break, and the sun was shining like it was just  _ begging  _ Roman to forget about all of his upcoming tests. Which had led him here, hanging out with his closest friends, at an abandoned kids’ park which Virgil had found. 

On this particular day, the group had fallen into a rabbit hole of buzzfeed quizzes--which were all horribly inaccurate, to the point where Ethan had decided to assign them all roles matching their personalities himself.

“I’m the rebel—“ Ethan began.

“ _ I’m  _ the rebel!” Virgil exclaimed indignantly from where he was sprawled across the slide.

“No, you’re the emo. Logan’s the smart one, Patton’s the dad friend, Remus is the chaotic gremlin—“

“Fuck yeah I am!”

“—and Roman’s the hot one.”

Roman blinked. “Sure,” he cracked a smile, “the hot one.”

•••

Roman Realeza  _ knew  _ he was attractive. At least decently so. It was pretty much his no. 1 priority to stay that way. He followed fashion trends to a T, he followed all the major beauty influencers, he worked out and dieted constantly (the only thing which was decidedly  _ not _ working, his body just seemed to stay the same no matter what--), and he was  _ always  _ looking for even more ways to look prettier. More handsome. More… worthy of love.

Because, it was no secret that his beauty was where his worth stemmed from. As for personality, he was  _ severely  _ lacking. He was loud, and annoying, and a dumbass, and he often misjudged whether jokes would come off as funny or just  _ rude _ , and, and, and--He could list a million more things that were wrong with his personality. 

Thing was, it was easier to hide a zit than to fix a whole broken personality. And it  _ worked _ . Everyone seemed content to just keep Roman around for his looks, so, really it was fine, wasn’t it?

Except when it wasn’t. Except for at times like this when he stepped on the scale and found he had gained a whole-ass  _ 5 pounds _ . 

“Shit, shit, shit,” he groaned, leaning back against the wall and running his hands down his face. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and instantly looked away, not wanting to see how  _ gross  _ his body must look. He tried to control his breathing, like Logan had shown Virgil, and come up with an actual  _ plan  _ instead of spiraling completely.

Roman unlocked his phone with fumbling hands, and found his favorite diet page on Instagram. He scrolled down somewhat randomly until he found a promotion for appetite-suppressing lollipops. He remembered hearing about these a year or so ago, but apparently there was a new brand of them going around now. When he had first heard about them, he thought they were absolutely ridiculous, but now… he checked the price and ordered a bag.


	2. Pride and Prejudice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman is a nerd for classical drama, and then is a mess because of Hot Dude. Meanwhile, Logan is not brought the most joy by seeing Roman chat with Hot Dude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: slight body image issues/self-confidence issues (only briefly mentioned)
> 
> •••
> 
> this had some random OC's cuz this story needs side characters, so that's fun! Also I promise Virgil isn't unsympathetic or anything, he just sometimes makes jokes that come off too a lil more harsh than he intended, (Roman of all people should be able to relate).

“--but then Matthew says he can’t forgive her, because there’s nothing that she needs to be forgiven  _ for _ !” Roman concluded his long-winded rant about the latest TV show he had become obsessed with. “I mean, can you imagine the  _ romance _ , Patton?” He sighed. “If someone said that to me I would just simply  _ die! _ ”

Patton smiled at his friend’s dreamy expression. “I’m sure your Matthew will come someday, Roman.”

“I can’t believe you’re into  _ Downtown Abbey _ ,” Virgil scoffed, “who brain-swapped you and a British grandma?” 

Roman felt something in his stomach sink slightly at that, but he just gave a small laugh. “Uh, yeah, guess so.”

“I know! You should read,  _ Pride and Prejudice _ , Ro!” Remus suggested. “That books all about lame British romance stuff.”

“...We all had to read that for English last year, Re,” Roman said. “You just decided not to  _ because _ it was ‘lame British romance stuff.’”

“Oh, right.”

“But you’re right, that was a fantastic book,” Roman sighed, thoughts turning to Mr. Darcy.

Logan, who had been passively observing the conversation for a while, finally said, “ _ I _ liked Pride and Prejudice too.”

Roman turned to him with wide eyes. “ _ You _ like Pride and Prejudice? You? Mr. Feelings-Are-For-Losers?”

Logan rolled his eyes. “Well obviously it was a very important literary work, and it was quite interesting to learn about what went into Jane Austen’s mind and what influenced her writing,” he began to ramble, “though, it was a bit fanciful, but that was, perhaps, the whole point…” he trailed off quietly, a sight blush dusting his cheeks.

Roman smiled at him. Logan did this kind of thing often, where he got mixed up in all the information he was trying to convey, and finally got flustered and stopped. It was sad, because Roman did like to hear Logan speak (despite how he often made fun of the nerd), but then again, it was cute when he did this.

Also, Roman swore this happened more often when Logan was speaking to him, though he didn’t know why.

_ Probably because you’re always so loud and attention-seeking, he thinks you don’t care what he has to say _ , Roman thought. He tried to ignore it. He always tried to ignore stuff that was probably true.

“Roman!!” A girl with bleached curly hair called to him from across the hall, breaking him out of his thoughts.

“Alina!” Roman called back excitedly. He went over to her. She was pretty popular, and she had become friends with him during math class when he asked for some concealer as he had forgotten his that morning. She ended up not having a tone that matched him, but he had been very grateful for the effort, and they had been friends ever since. Well, friends in his mind; probably just math-class-acquaintances in hers.  “What’s up, girl?”

“This is my friend Oliver. Oliver, this is Roman,” Alina said, a mischievous smile appearing on her face as she gestured to the tall guy beside her. He had dirty blond hair, annoyingly toned arms, and a smile that was positively  _ sinful _ . “He’s a senior, and I just thought you two might… get along,” she dragged the last word out in a way that Roman thought was meant to be subtly suggestive, but ended up not being subtle at  _ all _ . 

“Nice to meet you, Roman,” Oliver said, eyes dragging up at down Roman’s body. Roman flushed under his gaze, suddenly wishing he had put extra effort into his hair that morning, or done extra workouts this week,  _ God _ , he must look so  _ gross _ —

“I like your, uh, sweatshirt,” Oliver finally said.

Roman was wearing a vintage Beatles sweatshirt that he had found while thrifting. He didn’t even like the Beatles that much. “Oh, uh, thank you! I like your, uh,” Roman drew a blank.  _ Just be honest!  _ “I like your arms.”  _ Too honest! _

Oliver laughed. “Thanks, man! I can show you my workout routine sometime if you’d like.”

“Oh, sure, yeah! That’d be great!” Roman nodded. They talked for a few more minutes and exchanged numbers.

Meanwhile, Patton was telling Logan about his baking plans for the weekend, and how they should all come over. Or, he was  _ trying  _ to tell him. “Lo, why do you keep looking over at Roman and that guy?”

Sure enough, Logan’s gaze was locked fast on the handsome man chatting with Roman. “I bet  _ he _ didn’t like Pride and Prejudice.”

Patton tilted his head. “And why would that matter?”

Logan looked at the floor, and mumbled, mostly to himself, “It just does.”


	3. Sunshine, Lollipops, and Rainbows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman gets some lollipops, loses weight, and gets complimented. However, Logan seems oddly suspicious of the whole thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TWs: self-deprecation, eating disorder/atypical anorexia, dangerous dieting products, VERY SLIGHT gore mention (Remus talking ABT Remus stuff)
> 
> •••
> 
> y'all I cannot stress enough that Roman's view of the world is very warped & appetite-suppressing lollipops and similar diet products are SO bad like listen to Jameela Jamil she knows whats up

“ _When feeling the urge to snack, just open the pack…_ ” Roman mumbled the words on the ‘appetite-supressing’ lollipop packaging aloud to himself. As soon as the package had arrived, he had rushed into his room and closed the door, before ripping the box open. “ _To resist snacking urges, simply have 2 lollipops in place of an unhealthy alternative._ ”

Well, it seemed simple enough to Roman, _which was saying something since_ _he was probably as simple-minded as they came_ , he thought with a small laugh. 

•••

Spring break had come and gone, and Roman had learned that lollipops fucking _sucked_. (No pun intended.)

...And they were also the best.

Roman swore, the worst flavors in the entire world were actually “sweet watermelon” and “sour apple”. However… they worked _perfectly._ Roman hadn’t snacked on anything (aside from the lollipops, obviously) outside of mealtimes, _and_ he didn’t even eat as much of his meals on top of that. It had in fact been much more effective than any of the previous diets he had tried, since, well he admittedly couldn’t follow the diets that well. Eating a bunch of salads just made him more hungry, which led to him eating a bunch of donuts. But this stupid, chemicalish, cough-syrup-tasting candy just made him _not hungry._ They were perfect! And disgusting. ...And Roman should really stop contemplating this and get out of bed now.

Roman cursed and whined to himself as he finally got up and ready for the first school day after break, shoving the last of the lollipops into his bag, before he got Remus and left.

•••

Roman and Remus walked in together, with Remus rambling about medieval torture methods, and Roman nodding at his brother’s words and trying not to cringe at words like _breast ripper_. 

They found Virgil, Logan, and Patton already chatting by their lockers, Ethan presumably running late.

“Hey, Ro! Re!” Patton waved at them excitedly, and proceeded to trap them both in a hug the moment they approached. “I missed you two so much!”

Roman laughed. “I missed you too, Padre!”

“Yeah!” Remus agreed, pulling back out of the hug. “Now hug Roman again, but also ruffle his hair this time!”

“I swear by Thor’s Hammer, if either of you even get _close_ to my hair--” Roman began to warn them, taking a step back.

“Hey, Princey, did you lose weight?” Virgil asked, squinting at him.

Roman lit up. “Oh, yeah! I’ve been on a new diet!” he said proudly. “I lost 20 pounds!”

Virgil nodded, and looked back at his phone. “Good job,” he said, disinterestedly. 

Logan, however, frowned at Roman’s statement. “In… how long? Just over the break?”

“Nah, more like 2 or 3 weeks,” Roman admitted.

“Hm.” Logan seemed to be running numbers in his head, as if this was a math problem, and not a cool new diet Roman had done. Which both confused and kind of annoyed Roman. Then again, confusion and low-level annoyance was kind of his perpetual state.

•••

Roman’s first period class was pre-calc, and he was indeed feeling… confused and annoyed. So, as he always did in math, he began doodling in his paper’s margins while tuning out the lesson.

“ _Roman_ ,” whispered Alina from next to him, also having given up on paying attention. “Did you lose weight? You look great, man!” 

Roman blinked in surprise at the sweet girl’s words. “Uh, yeah! Thank you so much!” he tried to whisper back, except the thing was… he was _terrible_ at whispering.

“Anything you’d like to share with the class, Mr. Realeza?” the teacher called. 

Roman blushed. “Uh, no! Sorry!” he laughed nervously. The teacher shook his head, but went back to the lesson.

Roman took a lollipop from his pencil bag, and popped it in his mouth. He glanced over at Alina and then back at the lollipops in his bag.

_Wow,_ he thought, _I’ve got to get more of these._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While I have done research on atypical anorexia, if you have personal experience I would very much appreciate being told of I portray something in an inaccurate/insensitive/offensive way. Tysm!
> 
> If you are struggling with an eating disorder, please seek help. Stay safe, y'all <3:
> 
> https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/help-support/contact-helpline


	4. Snake Charmer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At lunch, Roman and Ethan (Deceit) flirt in order to annoy Virgil. Logan is also not thrilled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: eating disorder
> 
> •••
> 
> this was a fun chp to write

After bravely surviving his first 3 periods, Roman found the group in their usual lunch spot: the weird alcove in the back of the library, where no one ever went. It had been Logan’s spot, where he used to eat alone every day, back before he realized that having friends was not a ‘complete waste of time’.

“Greetings, beautiful people!” Roman said dramatically as he sat down between Patton and Ethan.

“My Roman Realeza, stunning as always,” Ethan replied, bringing his hand up to a kiss.

“Why do you guys do this? Why? Just to torture me?” Virgil asked, upon Ethan’s amorous behavior. “You aren’t even dating!”

Roman suppressed a smile, and ignored Virgil. “Why, Mr. Mendax,” he fanned himself with one hand, “what a charmer you are!”

“Ughh,” Virgil groaned, seeming to shrink back into his hoodie, like a turtle going back into its shell.

Roman tried to stifle a laugh at that and failed. It was true that neither of the boys were actually into each other, but, yes--it was extremely gratifying to torture Virgil.

“I started a new Duolingo course,” Logan interjected, as though he was trying to come up with literally any way to stop listening to this. Roman figured Logan also didn’t like the display of lovey-dovey-ness. “Ethan, did you know ‘Mendax’ is Latin?”

Roman tilted his head, squinting at Ethan. “Ethan, you’re Latino?”

“Roman,” Ethan stared at him. “I’m white.”

“You can be white and Latino!” 

“Not that kind of Latin, Princey,” Virgil laughed.

“Well, to be fair, Spanish and Portegeuse are both romance languages, so they do come from Latin,” Logan said.

“Well, isn’t that perfect!” Patton chimed in. “A romance language for these two lovebirds. I’m so proud of them,” he said, wiping an imaginary tear from his eye.

“Oh, God, not you too,” Virgil facepalmed.

Logan sighed deeply and pulled out his phone. “Please save me from this hellscape, Duolingo Owl,” he whispered to his screen solemnly.

“If you fall in love with the Duolingo Owl, does it make you a furry?” Roman asked.

“I would fuck the Duolingo Owl,” Remus replied helpfully.

Virgil stood up. “Aaand I’m leaving.”

“I’ll come with you, class starts soon,” Roman said, “plus I would love to escape this trash man.”

Roman packed some of his leftovers from his lunch back up; he had only eaten about half of it, not very hungry after the lollipop that morning.

Logan glanced up from his phone as Roman did this. He frowned. “Roman, you should--”

“No time to chat, Teach! See ya!” Roman cut him off, leaving before Logan could say another word.


	5. U Up?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman gets a text from Oliver.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TWs: brief implied eating disorder/anorexia, VERY brief implied homophobia
> 
> •••
> 
> Roman is rlly just oblivious to a lot of things.

Roman ended up not buying anymore lollipops.

For one thing, he had other stuff to spend his money on.

For another, as Remus had pointed out when he noticed his brother sucking on lollipops everyday,  _ “are you trying to get cavities, Ro-bro? Yaknow teeth problems can kill you, without warning, until it’s too late!” _ This had been a reminder Roman was both grateful for, and very  _ not  _ grateful for.

But mainly, he didn’t need them anymore! His appetite just wasn’t as big anymore after the whole thing. He might even be able to completely follow some of his favorite beauty blogger’s diets now! And after Alina’s compliments, he was more excited than ever to lose more weight.

Roman checked the time.  _ 12:14 AM _ . OK, so it wasn’t 1AM yet. At 1AM he would  _ definitely  _ go to sleep. But, for now, he began to watch a ‘totally natural makeup tutorial (for boys)!’.

Roman slightly objected to the use ‘ _ for boys _ ’ in this context. After all, he would definitely be doing some overly dramatic looks, if it wasn’t for the fact that ‘noticeable makeup’ was synonymous to ‘coming out’ in his parent’s eyes, and his parents were on the… conservative side. And beyond that, what does ‘for boys’ mean in  _ any _ context? The only thing that should be specifically for boys had to be, like, a lesson on ‘How to Respect Women, You Idiots’.

But, still, Roman was starting to break out, so he  _ needed  _ this tutorial.

  
  
  


It had just reached 1AM, and Roman had  _ finally  _ convinced himself to sleep. ...When a text notification popped up.

**_Oliver:_ ** _ U up? _

Roman stared at the screen and told himself, firmly, to put the phone  _ away. _

…

**_Roman:_ ** _ Ya, why? _

**_Oliver:_ ** _ Just wondering lol _

**_Oliver:_ ** _ Btw good job on the new diet dude! Alina told me abt it _

**_Roman:_ ** _ Oh tysm!! <3 _

Roman had typed the heart automatically, being used to texting his closer friends, who he always showed his passionate platonic love for, in a way that made Virgil cringe. And now, in a sleep-deprived stupor, he had just sent  _ a heart emoji _ to the  _ very hot senior _ .

**_Oliver:_ ** _ np lol <3 _

Roman’s cheeks heated.  _ Oh. _

**_Oliver:_ ** _ Do you still want me to show you that workout routine? im free after school tmrw _

**_Roman:_ ** _ oh ya!!! that’d b super _

**_Roman:_ ** _...califragilisticexpialidocious _

What was Roman doing. What was he even doing. Why would he double text just to send a cringy Disney joke. Just, why?

**_Oliver:_ ** _ Lol ok. gn <3 _

**_Roman:_ ** _ gnight!!! _

After sending this text, Roman proceeded to not go to sleep for several more hours.

  * ••



“And now he wants to work out together after school!” Roman was bouncing in his seat aggressively by the time he finished telling Logan the whole story. The pair had gotten out of a shared class early, and as such, were waiting for the others at the lunch spot.

Logan was always a great listener when Roman went on elaborate rants like this. The others were, of course, also great in their own ways, but they were all… a  _ lot  _ (not that Roman could blame them, he was even more to deal with that all of them combined). But, even for him, Logan had been oddly quiet during Roman’s narrative. He looked… angry? Resigned?  _ Sad _ ? Roman could never figure him out.

“You’re starting a new workout routine? Right after you did that new diet?” Logan finally asked. “Is that not… a bit unnecessary?” 

“Well, of course I’m flattered,” Roman batted his eyelashes exaggeratedly, causing Logan to blush and roll his eyes, “but clearly… there’s still a lot to work on,” he laughed, gesturing up and down his body.

_ This  _ statement seemed to truly baffle Logan, like, Roman could  _ swear  _ he could hear the gears turning in Logan’s head. After a long pause Logan brilliantly said, “What?”

Before Roman could reply, a pair of arms wrapped around him from behind.

“And what are the nerd and my gorgeous prince talking about?” Ethan asked. 

“Please, God, no,” Virgil whined as he walked up to the table as well. “I don’t let you borrow a pencil in class  _ once _ and you’re punishing me with this  _ forever? _ ”

Logan also had taken on an expression of absolute done-ness. “We were talking about your ‘gorgeous prince’s’ plans to cheat on you with a senior later.”

Ethan gasped, putting a hand to his heart. “Is this true, my darling?” His expression changed to a sly smile. “At least tell me he’s hot.”

“The  _ hottest, _ ” Roman reassured him.

Patton and Remus came in at last, and upon joining, Patton asked, “Who are we talking about?”

“The love of my life!” Roman replied, leaning back in his seat with a sigh.

“Roman, every other guy you meet is  _ the love of your life _ ,” Virgil pointed out.

Roman opened his mouth to argue, and then closed it when he couldn’t come up with a defense. “Well...yes,” he finally admitted, “But! Not every other guy  _ sends me heart emojis. _ ”

Patton gasped. “Oh my God, Ro! You need to tell us everything. Right. Now.”

When Roman had finished, Ethan was the first to speak up.

“So, I’m guessing you  _ definitely _ want me to do the ‘pretend dating’ thing, until he thinks you already have a boyfriend?” he joked.

“Oh, dear heavens, that would be a disaster,” Roman laughed.

“Well, to be fair,” Logan said dryly, “it is a very effective method of making anyone attracted to Roman jealous.”

“No, no,” Roman said, “if I’m going to do this I cannot use any of those stupid tactics. It’s best to be upfront and bold!”

“So… does that mean you’ll ask him on an official date at your workout sesh?” Patton said with a playful grin.

Roman couldn’t help but grin back, “Well… maybe.”

“You should definitely do it!” Remus agreed. “Even if you get rejected, it’ll be funny!”

“Thanks, Remus.”

Ethan laughed. “For reasons that aren’t as stupid as Remus’s--”

“Hey!”

“--I also think you should do it,” Ethan said.

“I agree too, Princey,” Virgil added. “I would physically die before asking someone out, so if you have that kinda courage you better use it for something.”

“OK, OK,” Roman took a breath in. “I... can do it. I’m  _ going  _ to do it!”

He glanced at Logan, the only one who hadn’t agreed with the group. Logan was way smarter than him, and Roman had wished he had gotten his opinion. But, throughout the whole conversation, Logan was staring pointedly at his phone.

_ Wow,  _ Roman thought,  _ he must be really into Duolingo. _


	6. I Understand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman asks Oliver out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: self-deprecation/self-hate
> 
> •••
> 
> heehegegehorooo everything goes great in this chapter :)))

Roman absolutely could  _ not  _ do this.

Who did he think he was, some stupid junior asking out an almost  _ irresonsibly _ handsome senior? He glanced over at the man in question, now sweaty from the workout they had just finished, and,  _ Jesus, forgive Roman for the thoughts that put in his head _ .

The point was… the point was he  _ wasn’t _ . He wasn’t going to ask Oliver out. He wasn’t going to even see him again, hopefully, because he really could spontaneously combust upon looking at him.

“That was pretty good, right?” Oliver said, slightly breathless, throwing Roman a dopey grin.  _ This boy was just too much. _

“Braggy, much?” Roman replied, returning the smile. Oliver laughed.

“So… we should get going, huh?” Oliver asked.

Roman breathed a sigh of relief. This was good. Now he could just leave, and forget about this, and pretend it never happened, and--

‘ _ I would physically die before asking someone out, so if you have that kinda courage you better use it for something.’ _

Virgil’s earlier words rang in Roman’s head. And they were right, of course. Roman had to be brave. He had to just do it.

“Yeah, do you want to meet up again sometime though?” Roman asked hopefully. He glanced at Oliver, and then away again, not wanting to see his expression. “I mean, uh, not for a workout--unless, you wanted, I mean we could, but maybe a movie? Like. As a date. Or, just whatever.”

Jesus, he sounded like Logan! Where was all this flustered rambling coming from?! When Roman rambled, he usually did it much better than this! He should have pre-planned some sort of grand gesture if he wanted to ask someone out, but he had only known he would even do this since lunch. 

Still, maybe it didn’t matter, maybe he still had a chance.

He finally looked at Oliver’s face. And, with a drop in his stomach, Roman already knew the answer.

“Roman…” Oliver sighed. “I’m flattered, of course, it’s just--”

Roman cut him off with a laugh that might have sounded a  _ bit  _ hysterical. “No, no, it’s OK, you don’t need to explain! I get it, we’re totally cool, man!” he spouted out quickly. And Roman  _ did  _ get it, he was annoying, and loud, and he didn’t even know why he had thought--

“No, I want to apologize,” Oliver said. 

Roman’s brow furrowed at this. Apologize? What was he talking about?

“I’m sorry if I led you on,” Oliver continued. “I just--I had talked to Alina, and I had thought that maybe…” he trailed off with another sigh. “It’s nothing against you, really, it’s just you’re not… my type. Physically, I mean.”

It felt like someone had hit Roman in his chest. “...What?”

Oliver’s eyes widened. “Not because you’re Asian! Or, uh, Latino? Wait--what are you?”

“Confused,” Roman replied in a distraught tone.

“Oh, yeah, sorry, was that offensive? Ugh, I’m messing this all up,” Oliver dragged his hands down his face. “I just mean, I only date skinny guys.”

As it turned out, at this point, Roman would have  _ loved  _ if Oliver didn’t want to date him because he was annoying. Or loud. Or dumb. Or all of the above--that would have been fine! Roman already  _ knew  _ all that. But, he had been stupid enough to think people actually  _ liked  _ the way he looked, at least some of the time. Alina said he looked good. Was she just making conversation? Ethan said--but Ethan had always been a bit of a liar--maybe calling him ‘the hot one’ had been just another lie--an in-joke for the rest of his friend group,  _ ‘look at Roman and his ego, he actually  _ believed _ me _ .’

Roman finally looked up at Oliver again. He was biting his lip worriedly, searching Roman’s expression for his reaction.

So, Roman gave him what he wanted, and smiled. “It’s OK! I understand.”


	7. Listen to Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan wants to help. But he’s got a bunch of oblivious friends, a short temper, and a less-than-perfect understanding of emotion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings: eating disorder (atypical anorexia)
> 
> (shjsk side-note—-always feel like I’m missing more specific warnings with my TWs so if you guys notice anything I should be tagging pls tell me!!)
> 
> •••
> 
> Oof things are really happening huh

Logan wasn’t stupid.

Quite the opposite; in fact, his defining trait seemed to be his intelligence. It was simply one of the constants in his life. _Humans breathed air. Logan was smart._ This was just the way the world worked.

So, when Roman had said he lost 20 pounds in about a month--that was when things started to not add up. Or, rather, they added up to a sum that Logan didn’t like. At _all_ . He had googled it just to check, and, yes, it was recommended to lose at most _4-8_ pounds per month. 

So, Roman’s statement had been, frankly, alarming. At best it was a lie. At worst it was an eating disorder. 

And, they were long past the worst by now.

Roman ate, on average, half a meal at lunch, and there was no telling how much he ate at home. Logan also rarely saw Roman eating such things that could be categorized as ‘treats’, save for the lollipops he used to have all the time. 

Needless to say, Logan was concerned for Roman. More than concerned. And it didn’t help that Roman was very… _important_ to Logan in ways which Logan truly attempted not to think about.

All of this to say--Logan had at least the jist of what was going on. As previously mentioned, Logan wasn’t stupid. He was smart. 

He was smart, and it _didn’t fucking matter._

•••

_“Virgil, I am worried about Roman. Have you noticed his eating habits?”_

_“Geez, Teach, he said he was on a really good new diet. He’s eating healthy enough already.”_

_“No. What? No. That’s not what I’m saying, I mean--”_

_“Let Roman eat what he wants, Logan. He’s fine.”_

•••

_“Remus, what does Roman eat at home?”_

_“Weird question, Lo, but I won’t judge. Too many lollipops for one thing. Tooth problems’ll kill ya, y'know! I should tell him about that! OK, I’m gonna do that--”_

_“Wait, Remus—!”_

_“See ya, Lo!”_

•••

Then, Logan had tried Patton. And Ethan. And then Virgil again, and then everyone again, and

had tried to get Roman to eat more

 _countless_ times, and _nothing happened._

Clearly, he had to do something more. 

  
•••

“So, Ro,” Patton began to say in a singsong tone, upon Roman joining the lunch table. Unlike usual, he had been the last to arrive today. “How’d things go with Oliver?”

Roman stiffened, and grinned in that way which Logan had been able to conclusively find meant: he did not want to smile at _all_. “Uh, it didn’t work out,” he laughed. “Guess I won’t get to cheat on you after all, Ethan.”

While Logan wasn’t stupid, he _was_ more selfish than some. And he couldn’t help but feel a twinge of relief that Roman hadn’t gotten a non-pretend boyfriend. Which, objectively, was a terrible thing to feel relief over. As said, _selfish_.

Patton’s mischievous expression immediately vanished and turned into concern. “Aw, no, Ro, I’m so sorry—“ then, his tone took on a hint of anger— “Why? What did he say? Do I need to fight him?”

“Patton Hart, do you think you have the capability to fight someone?” Ethan asked.

Patton stared at him blankly. “If he hurt Roman, I will break his… _freaking_ … kneecaps.”

“Woah, strong language, Pat,” Virgil laughed.

Patton looked down at the table ashamedly. “I know, I’m sorry.”

“What did happen with Oliver, Roman?” Logan brought the group back to the original conversation.

“Oh, nothing,” he smiled in that way again, “I just wasn’t his, uh, type.” He turned to Patton, and added, “No fights necessary, padre.”

“OK, good, good,” Patton nodded. “But how about a lotta ice cream and a movie night?”

“A movie night would be nice.”

Logan didn’t miss the fact that Roman didn’t accept the ice cream. He also didn’t miss the fact that Roman had eaten even less than usual today, and was already packing back up.

“Roman, shouldn’t you eat some more?”

Roman’s eyes widened. “Uh, no, I’m dieting,” he quickly explained.

“You should still have more,” Logan persisted, not willing to be shut down on this topic even once more.

“Uh,” Roman stared. “No? What?”

“Damn, Logan, why don’t you just let him eat what he wants to eat,” Virgil defended Roman’s side. 

“Because what he wants to eat is less than is nutritionally good for him!”

“What are you talking about, Logan?” Patton asked, eyebrows furrowed in concern and confusion.

“Yeah, and maybe _you_ should eat some more Logan,” Ethan said. “You’ve only had, like, half of your lunch.”

“What—yes, because I’m not _done_ , and even if I was, at least I’ve been eating enough outside of that!” Logan was growing more frustrated with the group by the second, and didn’t notice Roman’s breathing getting faster. “You are all so _oblivious_ to the _obvious_ ! Roman _clearly_ has an eating disorder, and you all haven’t noticed a single _thing_ —“

“Logan, stop—“ Roman tried.

“Even now, you’re more concerned about my eating habits, for literally no reason, other than: I’m skinny, and he’s not!”

Roman stood up abruptly. Logan’s stomach dropped as he observed that his face was flushed and his eyes were rimmed in water.

Roman smiled once more, in a way that was about as sweet as cyanide. “Well. I’m definitely done with lunch now!”

And just like that, he was gone before Logan could say another word.


	8. Oops

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group discuss some mistakes they've all made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mentioned eating disorder
> 
> •••
> 
> This is a short chapter, but if I'm able to finish it, then I should be posting a longer chapter tonight!! Ty all for reading and commenting and stuff btw, I just realized I've never said that it here, but this is the first time I've actually thought I could complete a fic, and it's definitely thanks to all of you who interact w/ this!

So.

Logan had fucked up.

He was quite aware of this fact, in a somewhat major way, and was fully expecting to be yelled at by his friends for his idiocy for the rest of lunch.

However, as he soon realized, they seemed to have other pressing issues on their minds.

“Roman… Roman doesn’t--he doesn’t have…” Patton trailed off, looking up to Logan with round eyes. 

Logan sighed, slumping down in his chair. “Yes. He does.”

“No, no he doesn’t!” Remus said angrily, “He can’t have an eating disorder--it--it makes no sense!”

“Unless it does,” Ethan said in an even tone. His face was cold, resigned. “Unless we’re just  _ bad friends _ .” Patton let out a distressed noise.

Virgil nodded in agreement. “Yeah, that sounds like me…”

Patton shook his head. “No, Virge--”

“No, no, sorry, I’m not trying to make this about me,” Virgil elaborated. “I just mean… Logan’s super smart, right? Even though he just did something really dumb--sorry--”

“No, it’s a fair point,” Logan agreed.

“But if he says Roman has… you know… then Roman probably does! And I, I--shit, he was on about that new diet, and I was just all ‘good job’, like an  _ idiot _ , and basically encouraging him, and, and I mean, I don’t even care--”

Virgil was quickly gaining speed on this rant, as well as quickly beginning to hyperventilate. Logan was about to jump in, when Remus beat him to it.

“No, you haven’t done anything wrong, Virgil, because nobody’s done anything wrong, because Roman doesn’t have an eating disorder, because  _ we would have  _ fucking _ noticed _ !” Remus yelled. “ _ I _ would have noticed…” he added softly.

“Oh, Remus…” Patton put an arm around him. “It’s OK. We just have to… be better  _ now _ .”

“OK,” Ethan said. “So, what do we do?”


	9. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman's emotional rollarcoaster of a day goes off of the tracks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TWs: non-consensual kissing, eating disorder, body image issues, fatphobia/internalized fatphobia
> 
> •••
> 
> OOO BOY GUYS make sure to check the TWs and stay safe bcuz this is the most intense chapter yet, we're at the point where just a lot is gonna be happening BUT i promise this is a hurt/comfort fic in the long run, it just... might be a bit before we get that comfort..

Roman wasn’t feeling… the most glittery. Yes, he was, perhaps, in one of his less picture-perfect states.

OK, so, _maybe_ he felt like a piece of complete garbage. And _maybe_ he was choking back sobs and mucus in an empty classroom. It was possible.

_As well as really gross_ , he thought with a grimace, as he got a tissue.

“Hey, is someone in here?” a voice called from outside the room. And, before Roman even had time to properly panic, that someone was entering the room.

“Hi, are you—oh my God, _Roman_!” 

“Yes,” Roman replied to Alina dryly, still looking at the floor. “I am your God, Roman.”

She sat down next to him. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

Before Roman could respond, another girl came in. “Hey, Alina, where did you—? ... _Oh_.”

“Oh, sorry,” Alina smiled apologetically at the other girl. “Roman, this is Tiffany. She’s great, so like, you don’t have to feel embarrassed or whatever.”

“Yeah, we know each other,” he said. “Bio class.”

“Yeah, now, tell us what’s wrong, girl?” Alina asked again.

“Oh, uh, nothin’,” Roman mumbled. “My friend… doesn’t like my diet, or something.”

“No way!” Alina gasped. “That’s so ridiculous.”

“Yeah, I don’t know what your friend’s talking about,” Tiffany agreed. “You look _way_ better than before spring break,” she said, eyes flicking up and down his body.

He blinked, looking up at her. “...Really?”

“Absolutely!”

Roman smiled slightly at her. Though, he _hated_ how much he loved praise (narcissistic), he still… loved it. Even if he didn’t really believe it. “Uh, thanks.”

Alina glanced up at the clock. “I think it’s almost time for class…”

“Yeah, we actually have bio next,” Tiffany said. “We can walk together!” she offered brightly.

Roman smiled at her again, and stood up. “Sure!”

It was still a few minutes before class as they left the room, so the hall was empty. Roman started to turn the corner, when Tiffany shoved him against a locker. And proceeded to shove her tongue against his.

Roman let out a startled sound that was muffled by, well, Tiffany’s mouth, before pushing her away when he realized what was happening.

He stared at her, and in his complete bafflement, and entirely wrecked emotional state, immediately said, “I’m gay.” Revealing the not-so-secret secret which Roman _had_ thought everyone except his parents already knew.

Tiffany pouted. “Yeah, I know, but how do you know if you’ve never tried girls?”

“How do _you_ know you’re not a lesbian for the same reason?”

“Ew, gross!”

“Exactly!” Roman threw his hands up, gesturing vaguely as if it would make this girl realize her hypocrisy.

Tiffany rolled her eyes. “I’m sorry, but you’re just so cute now that you’ve lost weight! I mean, whatever, but if you’re really gay, then you shouldn’t even care if I kiss you.”

“Again, if a girl made out with _you--_ ”

“Ugh, whatever, you don’t get it. But when you change your mind… I’m available.”

Then, she walked away. 

And Roman started to laugh. In a way that was totally, definitely _not_ hysterical. That was until he realized he was probably like 10 minutes late to class by now. But, in his current state of mind, this made him only laugh harder.

•••

Logan didn’t know what to expect when he found Roman. Whether Roman would be understandably angry, or worse, if he would be crying (Logan had _no_ idea what he would do with that)--but, he did _not_ expect to find him laughing uncontrollably in a random hallway.

“Uh, Roman?”

Roman looked up at Logan, finally calming down from his laughing spell a bit. He smiled. “Oh, Logan! Great, if you’re here then I’m not late to class after all.”

Logan frowned. “Um, OK. Well, Roman…” he cleared his throat, trying to figure out what to say. Or rather, he knew what he was here to say, but he didn’t know _how_ to say it. “I’m here to, uh, apologi--”

“Lo, the _funniest_ thing just happened,” Roman interrupted him. “I, I was walking to class with Tiffany--”   
  


“Who’s Tiffany?”

“Tiffany Aubert--Lo, do you know _anyone_ in our grade?”

“Well, clearly, I know you.”

“OK, whatever--anyway, she randomly pulls me aside and starts making out with me--”

“...You’re gay.”

“Stunning observation, yes, this is what I told her. And she was all ‘I know, so, you shouldn’t care about being kissed by a girl’! And I was like, ‘no’, and she was like ‘OK, but I’m available!” Roman started laughing again as he finished the story.

“That’s… not OK,” Logan said, frowning.

Roman gave him a confused smile. “What do you mean? I mean, I agree, I don’t understand why she would have a crush on _me_ \--”

“No, no, that part’s understandable,” Logan said. He then realized what he had just said and tried to move on as quickly as possible, “but if she knew your sexuality--and even if she hadn’t--she shouldn’t have kissed you out of the blue!”

“...What?”

“I mean, she must have at _some_ level known you didn’t want it, and yet--”

“Jesus, Logan!” Roman threw his hands up, his emotions rapidly shifting again, thanks to his current emotional state. “See, this is the problem with you--you make everything seem so _serious_ . A stupid girl literally only _kisses_ me, and it’s all ‘she’s evil!’--”

“Roman--”

“I try out a new diet, you’re all ‘eating disorder’! Even when you yourself know I’m still fucking fat--”

“ _Roman!_ ”

“I just, I’m just--done with it! And I’m done with _you_!” Roman’s voice broke, and he gulped back the burning sensation in his throat. 

Logan stared at him, eyes wide and mouth slightly agape. If Roman didn’t know better, he would even say he had tears in his eyes.

_Right,_ Roman thought, _like he really cares that much about you leaving._

So, he left.


	10. Out with the Old

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group needs to talk to Roman--Roman doesn't exactly want to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TWs: referenced eating disorder, insecurity
> 
> ••• 
> 
> this chapters kinda just here to set some stuff up for the next one :^))))) then again i guess thats what every chapter in every story does all the time ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

“Care to explain why you’re 20 minutes late, Roman?”

Roman stared at the bio teacher, slightly out of breath from having run to the classroom. “What? I’m not. I was just talking to--”

“Ah, yes, sorry, maybe I  _ forgot to mention _ that chatting with friends  _ isn’t  _ a reasonable excuse to be late.”

Roman blushed. He mumbled an apology and took his seat.

Still, it didn’t make sense--he had just been talking to Logan, which meant Logan would be late too, and Roman knew that boy had _never_ been late to a class in his life. 

But now... Logan had to be late too. He had  _ chosen  _ to skip the beginning of a class for the first time ever,  _ just  _ to apologize to him… and Roman had, in turn, yelled at him about  _ nothing _ . ...And right when he had thought he couldn’t be any more of a fuck-up.

_ Jesus, what was wrong with him? _

•••

“Hey, Ro, wait up!” Remus yelled after his brother, as Roman headed for his room.

Roman sighed deeply. “What is it, Re?”

Remus fidgeted in his spot slightly. He had been thinking about what he should say to Roman all day, and now he was here, and he had  _ no idea _ . Sincerity wasn’t exactly… his thing.

“Uh, well,” Remus began eloquently. “I just wanted to check… that you… are feeling, um, alright--”

“Ugh _ ,  _ Jesus, please tell me this isn’t about that stuff at lunch with Logan?”

“...He’s, uh, worried about you, you know.”

Roman sighed. “You’re not, though, right, Re? You know he’s just being ridiculous?”

Remus frowned. He wanted to believe that. He wanted to  _ so badly,  _ and he had, for who knows how long! And now his brother maybe had an eating disorder, and eating disorder meant health issues, meant  _ death _ \--

“Remus? You good?”

“I--I dunno, Ro. Just… if Logan says you need to eat more, then just eat more, right? This diet stuff is stupid anyway.”

“What?” Roman looked taken aback. “I can’t just…  _ ugh _ , whatever!” He turned around pointedly, and ran up to his room.

Remus sighed. Yeah. Maybe he wasn’t great at this.

•••

Remus had a dentist appointment the next morning, so Roman came to school alone.

When he saw the group, he noticed that although they were in their usual spot by Virgil and Patton’s lockers, they weren’t… acting  _ usual.  _ Patton wasn’t laughing, Virgil wasn’t on his phone, Ethan wasn’t late, and Logan wasn’t re-organizing  _ any  _ of their lockers. Instead, they were all gathered with gloomy, doomy, serious faces on while Logan talked with a worried expression. And, to top it off, Patton was holding a container of cupcakes that Roman had a sickening feeling were meant to be for him.

He couldn’t believe it--they had all just gone along with Logan. Although--who could blame them, Logan was smart, and wonderful--but he was also  _ absolutely wrong  _ about this.

Then, Logan looked up and noticed him. His eyes widened that little bit, a slight blush settled across his cheeks.

“Roman!”

Roman turned, and walked as fast as he could in the other direction.

•••

Roman didn’t know what to do.

It was lunch, and he was sitting in a bathroom stall, like a scene from some cliché teen movie. Then again, what was wrong with a little cliché in life? Well--what was wrong  _ besides  _ how he had pushed away all of his closest friends, and he didn’t know how he could ever talk to them again, or if they would ever even  _ want  _ to see him again, or if they were glad he was gone, and--...OK, so a lot was wrong.

And that’s when he got a text.

**_Alina_ ** **:** _ Hey girl!! There’s a party at my friend Beth’s house 2night. Wanna come w me? _

Roman frowned. As much as Alina was great, he wasn’t in the biggest party mood right now.

**_Roman:_ ** _ Idk if I can make it _

**_Alina:_ ** _ plss?? i only kno like 2 other ppl going  _

Roman was about to say no again, when he paused. This might actually be the perfect solution to his problems. To just… get a new friend group. Albeit, a way worse friend group. Where no one would be as kind as Patton, or charismatic as Ethan, or who would be able to deliver those cynical jokes like Virgil, and Lord knows no one would be like  _ Remus _ , and certainly no one would come even  _ close  _ to Logan--Logan, who was smart, and both great at listening and also  _ terrible  _ at it, and so self-assured and yet completely  _ not _ , and--and why was Roman thinking so much about him? He had told Logan he was done with him, and yet, all he wanted to do was talk to him again.

But… he couldn’t. There was no way he could do that now.

He looked back at his phone.

**_Roman:_ ** _ K, I’ll come with. what’s the address? _


	11. I Can't Sleep, Speak, or Eat Meat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman goes to a party. It's not the most fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TWs: brief ment of disordered eating, self-hate, non-consensual touching & attempted non-consensual kissing
> 
> •••
> 
> the chapter title comes from the song "Can I Have a Ride Home? I'm at a Party and I Don't Know Any1" by carpetgarden. This whole chapter is actually inspired by the song, and ALSO funnily enough I originally found the song from this awesome animatic which is actually also Logince!! (https://youtu.be/nmMlmLgenu4). so i found that p fun lol

Roman had just spent the past _hour_ convincing his parents to let him go out. And he had now officially heard the phrase: _no drinks, no drugs, no girls!_ about a million times. Also, Remus _really_ need to be less subtle about the way he laughed at the “no girls” part.

All that aside, Roman was finally all ready to go, and Alina would be here to drive him in just a few minutes. He had had no idea what to wear, but eventually decided on a simple shirt and jeans, and his nice red bomber jacket with rose embroidery. 

“Hey, Ro, shouldn’t you eat something before you leave?” Remus asked, coming to stand beside him out front.

“They’ll have food at the party,” Roman replied. Remus just kept looking at him. “...I’ll eat it, I’m not  actually trying to  _ starve _ myself, whatever Logan says. I’m just dieting.” As if on queue, Roman’s stomach growled. He blushed, and looked away from Remus’s unimpressed gaze.

“Logan, uh, missed you today, y’know,” Remus mumbled.

Roman’s heart dropped at that. He hated how much he wanted to believe it. And he also  _ really _ didn’t want to discuss it any further, so he threw on a smile. “I don’t know about this whole sweet, sincere thing you’ve been trying out, Re,” he joked.

Remus didn’t laugh. “Ro, I’m serious—“ He was interrupted by a text alert from Roman’s phone.

**_Alina:_ ** _ I’m here! _

Roman breathed a sigh of relief.  _ Saved by the bell. _

“OK, I’ve gotta go; see ya later, Re!”

•••

Most people had already gotten to the party by the time Roman and Alina arrived. And whoever was throwing it (Belle? Beth? Whatever her name was--)  _ clearly  _ had a lot of friends, and no social anxiety whatsoever, based upon the crowd-size. Roman didn’t recognize half the people here, and the ones he did, he had maybe spoken to twice. Also, this whole  _ joining a new friend group  _ thing was beginning to seem a lot more intimidating, even for an extrovert like him. 

Alina tugged Roman forward. “C’mon! Let’s go find Tiffany!”

Roman froze. “Tiffany’s here?”

“Yeah!” Alina nodded excitedly. “We’re all gonna have so much fun!”

“Right, yeah,” Roman returned her smile, composing himself. He didn’t know  _ why  _ he should be nervous to see her, it wasn’t like she had _really_ hurt him or something, she had just been… confused. It was funny. What had happened between them was funny, and he could laugh about it now, and he was chill. Definitely.

Roman followed Alina to the kitchen as best as he could through the crowd, when he face planted into someone’s chest.

“Oh, shit; sorry, man!” a familiar voice said. “Wait--Roman?”

Roman blushed. “Oh, hey! Oliver! Uhm, no time long see. I mean, long see no time! Fuck. Long time no see!”

Oliver laughed. “You want something to drink?”

Roman hesitated. “I don’t know--”

“Oh, don’t worry, it’s really light!” a new voice chimed in. Roman stiffened at the sound, before reminding himself not to be  _ ridiculous _ , and just calm down for once.

“Let him decide for himself, Tiff,” Alina told the girl, joining the group as well. 

“No, I, I will,” Roman agreed. 

“I’ll get it for you!” Tiffany said brightly, and handed him a drink. “Actually, I already got you one. I’m smart like that.”

Roman gave her a forced smile, and tried to subtly check the time on his phone.

5 minutes had passed, and they had each felt like an hour. He sighed, and looked down at his drink.

_ Maybe this will make it go faster,  _ he thought as he took a swig.

•••

Roman had just finished an absolutely  _ astounding  _ karaoke piece, and it would be fair to say he had a light buzz going. Well, maybe more than a light buzz. A loud buzz? A whole swarm of bees? That was some good wordplay; Patton would have liked that.  _ God, he missed Patton. _

He slumped down into a couch, and checked his phone. He felt a dip next to him as someone else sat down.

“Does anyone call you Roro?” Tiffany asked him with a giggle. She may also have had a loud buzz going. “That’s such a cute nickname, you’re welcome for coming up with it.”

“Oh… thanks?” Roman responded unsurely. He tried to scoot away from her slightly, but she just scooted closer to him. She leaned her head against his shoulder.

They sat in silence like that for a moment, her smiling blissfully, and him trying to figure out how to tell his heart to  _ stop racing because it’s literally just a sweet girl who was a bit confused the other day, why be worried, stupid heart?! _

Meanwhile, Oliver had taken up the karaoke, singing  _ Tongue Tied _ .

“Hey! You have a crush on Oliver, right?” Tiffany asked.

Roman blushed. “I mean, I used to.”

“You wanna make him jealous?”

“Wha--"

One of Tiffany’s hands trailed up Roman’s leg, and she brought her other hand up to Roman’s cheek, pulling his face towards hers, and Roman felt his bloodstream turn to ice. He pulled back before she could kiss him, and she whined.

“What’s your problem now? If you’re so gay, you wanna make Oliver jealous, right?”

“That’s not--that’s not how it works! I don’t have a crush on Oliver anymore. Just because we’re both into dudes, doesn’t mean that he's automatically into me, or that I’m into him! Well, at least I'm not anymore--”

“You talk too much,” Tiffany groaned. “It’s so annoying, cuz, like, if you just knew how to shut up, you would be so perfect! Cuz, you’re, like, kinda hot,” she finished with another giggle.

Roman sighed, and looked away from her. “Yeah, sure…”

Her words didn’t really make him feel one way or another at this point. It wasn’t anything he didn’t already know. It was just confirmation of his suspicions--his personality was unbearable, but his looks were alright. If anything, he was  _ happy  _ at that bit of praise for his appearance, which was so  _ stupid _ and  _ narcissistic,  _ especially since it came from her of all people, and it should just make him uncomfortable, which yeah it also did that, and, and... his thoughts were starting to get too loud. And the music was too loud, and suddenly, he was so  _ aware _ of the burning Tiffany’s hands starting to roam his body, and--he needed to get out of here.

Roman stood up, slightly shakily, causing Tiffany to pout.

“Roro! Where are you  _ going _ ?” She stood up too, trying to follow him, but got lost behind him as he rushed through the crowd to the front door.

Roman was searching through his contacts list before he even knew what he was doing. 

“ _ Hey, Lo? Are you there? I-I could use a ride… _ ”


	12. Raindrops on Roses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan gives Roman a ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually don't think there are any TWs for me to add for this one? I could be wrong tho so pls correct me if so
> 
> •••
> 
> this chp i think is a lot better in my head than in writing lmao

“Roman?” 

Logan surveyed the street for signs of his friend, squinting due to the darkness and the fact it had started to rain on his way here. He finally made out a figure sitting on a high wall in front of someone’s yard, which seemed like exactly the kind of place Roman would decide to go during a rainstorm.

“Roman?” He called again as he got close enough to see that it was, indeed, Roman, but he received no response. Frowning, Logan climbed up the wall and sat next to him. Up close, Logan saw that Roman was soaked, and shivering just a bit. He was staring up at the clouded sky, eyes distant. When he still didn’t show any sign of noticing him, Logan put a hand on the boy’s shoulder. “Roman, I--”

Roman jolted at the touch, nearly knocking both of them off of their perch on the wall. He turned around with a panicked look in his eyes, which softened when he saw who it was. “Oh. Hi, Logan.”

“Um, hi,” Logan responded, slightly confused, and more than slightly concerned. “Roman, what happened--?”

“You actually came,” Roman said, barely above a whisper. “You came to get me.”

Logan tilted his head in confusion. “Of course I did, why wouldn’t I?” he asked. _I would do just about anything for you,_ he added in his mind.

Roman shrugged. “...I missed you.” 

And suddenly, there was a pair of arms wrapped around Logan, squeezing him tightly, as if they didn’t want to let go ever again. As if they couldn’t bear it. Tentatively, Logan returned the hug.

“I missed you too,” Logan replied, quiet enough that maybe he wouldn’t even be heard over the rain. Roman buried his head into Logan’s chest. Logan heard a choked gasp. “Are… are you crying?”

“...No.” Roman hiccuped. “...Yeah. Doesn’ matter.”

Logan frowned and sniffed. “Are you drunk?”

“I call it my loud buzz.”

“...OK, then.” There were a lot of follow up questions he wanted to ask to that, but he did not think he would be provided with any useful answers. So, instead, he said, “Let’s get you out of this rain, before you catch a cold.”

Roman nodded, yawning. “Whatever you say, teach.”

“Alright. I’m going to climb down first, so that I can catch you when you fall.”

“I’m not gon’ fall.”

Logan didn't respond, already climbing down. When he reached the bottom he gestured for Roman to come down. Roman, in a much more reckless and inadvisable fashion, began to make his way down, when at the last moment his foot slipped against a slick spot of moss, and he tumbled backward. Logan caught him, stumbling back slightly at the impact. 

“Not going to fall, you say?” Logan snarked, raising a brow.

Roman laughed breathlessly at that. “Shhhh, no, wasn’t a fall. _Little_ tumble.”

Logan rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t suppress the smile that appeared on his face at Roman’s laughter. He led them back to the car, helping Roman in when they got there.

“To your house, then?” Logan asked.

Romans eyes widened, some alertness returning to him. “It’s so past my curfew!” He cursed in Spanish under his breath. “My parents are gonna actually kill me!” he groaned, running his hands down his face.

“You can stay at mine,” Logan offered. “My father will be fine with it, and your parents won’t know what time you got back.”

“Oh. That’s smart! You’re so smart, Lo,” Roman yawned, and leaned back in his seat with his eyes closed.

Logan blushed. “No,” he whispered to himself. “Sometimes I fall for very dramatic, very oblivious idiots.”

•••

Roman blearily felt a sensation of movement, and of arms under him. He blinked his eyes open to find himself being placed upon a bed, in a mainly organized room. There were a few NASA posters on the wall, and a small book lay open on the bedside table. He remembered what was happening, and with a lot of effort, sat up to find Logan trying to unravel a sleeping bag on the floor.

“Bed’s gotta be big enough for both of us,” Roman pointed out.

Logan stared at him, wide-eyed, at the very suggestion. “Uh, yes, in theory--”

“OK, so get over here, Mr..." Roman was too tired to think of anything, "... Nerd.”

Logan hesitantly complied, slipping into the bed and staying on the edge, as far from Roman as possible. Roman rolled his eyes, and scooted over closer to the nerd. Logan cautiously followed suit.

“Alright, nighty night, Lo--”

“Wait.”

Roman pouted. “What is it? I wanna sleep.”

“I just--I never actually got to apologize. For what I said the other day, I mean. And--” Logan took a breath in. “I now highly regret my actions, as in my frustration, I realize I behaved very insensitively, and I hurt you when I never intended to, and, well, I suppose all I’m saying is… I’m sorry, Roman.”

Roman stared at him. “Logan,” he said slowly, “I think I’m in love with you.”

“ _What?_ ”

“Yeah, no, I definitely am.” And he _was_ . He didn’t know where it had come from, but it was there, like it always had been, but was only hitting Roman now. It came all at once, and yet it was so _obvious_ , so clear that it would--like a wave finally crashing down. And in that moment, where there was once nothing, now it was _choking_ him, pushing against his ribcage; so much feeling that was begging to be set free, that _needed_ to get out. 

Loan's expression was unreadable. And Roman wondered whether he had maybe fucked up just a little bit with this big announcement. Then, Logan shook his head. “Thank you, Roman. But, no, you’re not. You’re drunk.”

“No--”

Logan turned away. “Goodnight, Roman.”


	13. Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman and Logan wake up in a bed together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TWs: slight/brief mention of eating disorder
> 
> •••
> 
> I literally didn’t look over this chapter at all bcuz I’m not very pleased with it but I wanted to use it anyway and just ughhhwjsmsnsk so it probably has even more typos than usual but yknow it’s fine :’’’D
> 
> OH also I feel like I did a really bad job?? Of writing these bilingual lads??? Like idk I did my best but I feel like it all sound super forced since I know VERY VERY LITTLE Spanish :’’) so that’s fine :’’)

Logan woke up to the sound of snoring and the smell of alcohol.

He scrunched his nose, and gently moved Roman’s arms, which had found their way around his waist during the night, so that he could wriggle out of the bed without waking the other boy.

Logan tried his best not to focus on how adorable Roman looked while sleeping, or to think about what the boy had said the night before. He  _ couldn’t  _ think about it, because then he would start to hope it was true. But, in reality, drunken ramblings weren’t worth getting his hopes up for. 

So, Logan simply turned away, and started his morning routine as usual. 

  * ••



Roman woke up with a headache and his stomach screaming at him. 

He let out a prolonged groan as he opened his eyes, and then quickly went into panic mode upon seeing he was in someone else’s bedroom. He was about to question his entire life, when the events of the night before started to return to him. The memories also made him realize that he was  _ not  _ literally dying, and was rather enjoying his first hangover.

“Drink this,” Logan said, startling Roman slightly. A plastic bottle was placed in his hand, and desperate for liquid, he sat up and began to chug it.

He promptly almost spit it out. “Is this Gatorade  _ lemon-lime _ ?”

“Shush, It’s a good flavor, as well as something to help with the nausea” Logan explained. “If you're going to throw up, do it in the bathroom. And if you cannot recall why you're in my bed, don’t worry--we did  _ not _ copulate.”

Romance rolled his eyes. “Yes, I know. I’m not a blackout drunk yet, Logan.”

Logan stared at him. “...It was a  _ joke _ .”

Roman blushed. “Oh. Right.” This also when Roman remembered another horribly embarrassing thing he had said to Logan last night. He looked away from him at the memory, and took another sip of the Gatorade. He gagged. “Jesus, lemon-lime sucks.”

“It’s a good flavor!” Logan reiterated seriously, as though this was a basic  _ fact  _ that everyone should know.

Roman laughed lightly at that, and though his body still felt like shit… he was glad that, out of everyone, he was with Logan right now. Sure, they didn’t always see eye to eye, but Logan was so… utterly  _ himself,  _ in a way Roman adored, and he felt safe and okay and--goddammit, Drunk Roman was 100% smarter than him. He was  _ very  _ much in love with Logan Berto.

And, if Logan’s reaction last night was anything to go by… Logan very much did  _ not _ feel the same way.

  * ••



With the extra time Roman took getting up, Logan and the other boy ended up running behind his preferred schedule. By this rate, they would  _ barely  _ be 15 minutes early to school. They were about to rush out the door, when—

“¡Espera!” Logan’s dad called out, stopping them.

“Ugh, what is it, Papa?! We’re going to be late—“

Roman rolled his eyes. “No, we’re not, Lo. I’m not even usually  _ awake _ this early.”

“You almost forgot your lunch, silly boy,” Logan’s father laughed, handing his lunch bag to him. “And here’s some breakfast on the go for both of you.” He held out some breakfast bars for the two boys.

“Oh. No, gracias!” Roman shook his head with a polite smile. He didn’t usually have breakfast anyway— _ least _ important meal of the day, as he called it—but regardless there was no way his stomach would even let him today.

Mr. Berto blinked at him, and turned to Logan. “What’s the matter with your friend, Logan; he doesn’t eat?”

It was at that point that Roman really wanted to crawl into a deep, deep hole. “Oh, no, I’m just not hungry!” he explained with a laugh.

Mr. Berto shook his head. “Under my roof, you eat. Take the breakfast!” He said, shoving the bar in Roman’s hand. 

“Ah—OK?” Roman just agreed, and put it in his pocket.

“If that’s resolved then, let’s go! We might not even be  _ 10 minutes _ early now!”

Roman couldn’t help but laugh at that. Logan shot him a withering glare, which honestly only added to his amusement. 

“Sí, sí, sí,” Mr. Berto smiled amusedly at his son’s unnecessary worry as well. “Have fun at school, boys! And feel free to come over whenever, Roman.”

“Muchas gracias, Sr. Berto!” 

“Another minute gone—we need to  _ go _ !” 

  * ••



“You want this?” Roman offered the breakfast bar he had stashed in his pocket to Logan as they walked.

Logan raised a suspicious eyebrow at him. “Why don’t you have it?”

Roman rolled his eyes. “Not this again—Logan, it’s not about  _ that _ . I have a hangover. I feel sick as all fuck.”

“Oh. Right,” Logan said, nodding slightly. “I suppose that’s an acceptable reason… I believe you’re meant to have greasy foods to help with that.”

Roman physically cringed at the very suggestion. He could just imagine people staring at him, wondering why  _ he  _ of all people would possibly need all those extra calories on him. Luckily, Logan was looking away and didn’t notice his expression.

“By the way… what did happen at the, uh, I presume it was a party…?” Logan asked. “You seemed to be feeling less than optimal afterwards.”

Roman’s heart clenched for a moment as he remembered the events.  _ Stupid _ , he reminded himself,  _ nothing really bad even happened.  _ So, he put on a smile, and forced a laugh. “Oh, nothing, really. You know me though, drama queen of the century. I don’t know why I got so upset. Probably just the drinking.”

Logan only hummed in response. He had that expression which meant he was analyzing Roman’s words like a math problem, and it seemed that he couldn’t find an answer he liked. 

“Really, Logan,” Roman reiterated. “It’s fine. I’m fine now.”

Reluctantly, Logan decided to change topics, and said, “So. Are you going to avoid us all day again?” There was a joking lightness to his words, but behind it Roman sensed a real anxiety.  _ Had Logan  _ actually  _ missed him? Or, maybe he had thought Roman hated him, and he had made him insecure.  _ Guilt clenched at Roman’s heart at the thought. 

“No. I’m never going to do that again,” Roman promised. “ _Jesus,_ it sucked so _much_ ,” he whined dramatically. 

A small smile appeared on Logan’s face, finally, at that. “Yeah. It did.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!! Special note on this chp!!! If any of you have tips on writing bilingual people talking to each other pls tell me them bcuz I feel like I did a Bad Job here :’’)


	14. And Where Have You Been?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman rejoins the group after having left for literally one day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is some uhhh fluff bcuz while we’ve still got some angst to go, there must b fluff to pave the way

Upon arriving at school, Roman had made it barely halfway to his locker, before he was being tackled from the side.

“Ow! What the--?!”

“Roman!” Remus yelled, despite being right next to his brother’s ear. “Where the fuck were you last night?!”

“Didn’t I text you? ...Oh, wait, no; I didn’t.” He turned to Logan, pushing Remus off of him. “I thought you were gonna tell my parents where I was?”

“Well, I, I got distracted! By… other matters.” Logan blushed.

Remus tilted his head at him. “So… Roman stayed with you?”

Logan nodded. Remus looked between his friend and his  _ brother _ , who were both staring at the floor with flushed cheeks. An expression of disgust--a rare expression for  _ Remus _ to have--appeared on his face. “Did you two  _ fuck _ ?”

“No!” The two boys yelled simultaneously. 

“Of course they didn’t, Remus. Then he would be  _ cheating  _ on me!” a new voice joined the conversation, along with a pair of arms around Roman’s waist. Roman instinctively flinched, turning rapidly to see who it was. He found Ethan staring at him with a confused, slightly hurt expression.

“O-Oh,” Roman breathed out.  _ Right. Duh. Who else was he in a joke “relationship” with?  _ “Yes, indeed, I would  _ never  _ do such a thing to you, my… uh… sugarbear?” Roman stumbled over his part of the improv, cringing at himself as he did so.

Ethan noticed Roman’s hesitation to participate in their inside-joke, and took a step back, taking his hands off of the other boy. He put on his signature smirk instead, and continued by asking, “So, no hot makeouts? Not even a kiss? How  _ dreadfully _ boring,” he joked. “Please tell me there was at least  _ one  _ sordid love confession?”

Roman attempted to laugh in response, but the sound that came out of him was more akin to a goat being strangled. “Aha! No, nope! Course not! Why would you even say things like that? Don’t say things like that.”

Ethan gave him a confused and slightly concerned smile. “Uh… right, then.”

Throughout this entire conversation, Logan had become extremely fixated on reorganizing Roman’s locker. 

Luckily, before Roman had had too much time to die of embarrassment, another person joined the conversation.

“Ro!” Patton squealed, running up to him from down the hall. He drew the other boy into a tight hug, as if he had been gone for months, as opposed to literally one day.

“Calm down, Pat,” Virgil laughed, having arrived with Patton. “Don’t strangle him right when we’ve got him back.”

“Yeah, wait a  _ little  _ bit to strangle him,” Ethan joked.

Patton pouted, reluctantly stepping out of the embrace. “ _ Fine.  _ I just missed you so much, Ro!”

“I missed you too, Padre.”

“Uh, same here,” Virgil added awkwardly. He gave Roman an uncertain smile, which Roman returned with a wide grin of his own.

Ethan nodded in agreement with the group, and Remus interjected, “Yeah! If you ever pull that leaving-us shit again, I’ll kill you! Even though I would see you anyway cuz I’m your twin… but that would  _ also _ make it easier to kill you!”

And Roman wasn’t sure if it was the hangover, or everything that had happened yesterday, or just the way all of his friends were  _ here,  _ and so perfectly themselves, and acting like it has really  _ mattered _ that he was gone—even for one day!—and maybe they were lying, but even just  _ hearing _ it… Roman might have been, embarrassingly, blinking back just a  _ few  _ tears. 

Roman glanced at Logan, who looked up from his work on Roman’s locker, making eye contact with him. Logan looked away, and coughed, before saying, “Yes, I suppose I should add… I, too, find it beyond adequate--or even agreeable-- or even  _ very _ agreeable to have you back, Roman.”

Roman shook his head at him, smiling softly and sincerely. “Logan, you truly are… a complete dork.”

“That means whale penis!”

“...Thanks, Remus.”


	15. It’s a Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman forgot to bring a lunch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TWs: eating disorder
> 
> •••
> 
> Wahaha setting up some more stuff >:))

Roman had made it to the time he had been dreading all day--lunch. He knew everyone would be watching him eat after everything that had happened, but when he sat down and reached into his bag, he suddenly remembered something that absolutely _saved_ him.

“Logan!” He exclaimed, causing the other boy to look up. “I didn’t bring lunch, since I stayed at yours! Oh, well, so sad, guess I’ll just have a big dinner—“

Before Roman had even finished his thought, _everyone_ had taken something from their lunch and put it in front of Roman, leaving him with an eclectic, but substantial, meal. “Oh,” he stared at it, dumbfounded. “Uh… thanks?” He would usually try to refuse out of politeness, but he figured if he even tried everyone would _instantly_ be suspicious. Which, he thought with a note of anger, was still _ridiculous_ . Because, he didn’t have whatever Logan said he did—he still ate, for goodness’ sakes! Although, admittedly… the amount in front of him _was_ more than he would usually have. He would have to save the extra for later, since he didn’t want to be wasteful, but he knew if he tried to return it...once again, his friends’ ridiculousness would get in the way. 

Roman sighed, and tried to subtly check the calorie count on the snack bar Ethan had given him, before beginning to nibble at it. Truth be told, he had _no_ idea what a good amount of calories was though, so the number only served to kind of make him feel bad, no matter what. 

“So, Ro, I heard you went to a big party last night?” Patton asked, a mischievous grin pulling at his lips. “Meet anyone cuuute?”

Roman glanced at Logan, then away again as quickly as possible, and shrugged. “Uh, not really--but! The _funniest_ thing happened, so basically, you know that girl--”

Logan looked up, making eye contact with Roman, and Roman suddenly remembered the way his friend had reacted to him talking about this before. (Which, he would be adding to the list of ridiculous things that kept accumulating today.) 

“Uh, Princey? Kinda spaced out there, dude,” Virgil’s voice snapped Roman out of his thoughts.

“Oh! Yeah, actually, I don’t really remember. Sorry.”

“Wow, a blackout drunk at age 17? So sad how Gen Z has turned out,” Ethan joked. Roman rolled his eyes and elbowed him. Ethan just grinned, but then said in a totally different tone, “But, seriously, why are you lying?”

Goddammit. None of them could _ever_ lie in front of Ethan. Though, to be fair, it hadn’t been Roman’s best lie. So, he just continued it hopelessly, “Huh? I really don’t know what you’re talking about, _honey_ \--but that’s okay, because I just love to hear your sweet, sweet voice no matter,” he referenced their inside-joke in order to distract from the matter at hand.

Virgil groaned deeply, sinking into his chair. “ _How_ is this still going on? And why?! Why would you do this to me?”

The group laughed at that--all except for Logan, who was still eyeing Roman suspiciously. He looked like he wanted to pry more, but luckily, Patton butted into the conversation before he had the chance. “Yknow, we should all have a party of our own!”

Virgil’s eyes widened almost comically at the suggestion. “Please, God, no--no parties, no people outside the group--”

“No, no, nothing like that! Just us!” Patton assured him. “I mean, like, a little sleepover at my house on Friday! We can bake, or watch movies, or do crafts, or, or all sorts of things!” He bounced a little in his seat, seeming to gain energy from the very idea of it all.

“Oh, OK, yes, that’s alright then,” Virgil nodded, calming down.

“Yeah! That’d be the bees knees!” Remus nodded emphatically.

“Ree, what?” Virgil sighed.

Ethan face-palmed. “Sorry, he’s gotten really into 20’s slang. But he isn’t wrong--it’s a lovely idea, Patton.”

Roman nodded along with the group. “Yes! It will be a hundred-thousand- _million_ times better than the other party, I promise you.”

“That is perhaps too large of a number to hope for, Roman, but yes; I’m sure it will be a very amenable time,” Logan agreed in his own way.

“Alrighty, it’s settled, then! We can all catch the bus back to mine after school on Friday,” Patton finalized as the lunch period drew to a close.

Roman had only finished about half of his ramshackle lunch, and he stuffed the rest in his bag, hoping to do so inconspicuously. Unfortunately, he had never been inconspicuous in his life.

“Uh, Ro, don’t you think you should have some more of that, kiddo?” Patton suggested gently.

“Well, it’s time for class, so--”

“Lemme translate what Patton’s saying for you, Ro,” Remus interrupted. “Finish your fucking food, if you don’t want us to be on your case for literally the rest of time.”

“-- _So_ , I’ll have it at the beginning of class!” Roman clarified.

Ethan narrowed his eyes at him. “Will you, though?”

_Ah._ Right. Lying. Roman chose to roll his eyes, in lieu of responding to the question, and turned to Logan. “C’mon, AP Lit time, Teach.”

•••

AP Literature had assigned seating, so Roman was several rows in front of Logan. This usually bothered him to no end, but today he was grateful for it, in hopes that his _not_ eating the rest of his lunch wouldn’t be so easily observed.

The teacher spent the class detailing the collaborative writing project coming up, and Roman doodled to help him focus as she talked. Unlike math or science, he actually _cared_ about English. At the end of class, the teacher assigned 2 pages due next time, and told everyone to find a partner. Roman and Logan nodded to each other across the room, as if it wasn’t already obvious—to literally everybody—that they would be working together.

The class was dismissed, and Roman and Logan walked out together. Roman turned to Logan with a bright smile, opening his mouth to speak, but paused when he saw Logan’s frown. He was looking at Roman’s bag.

“Uh, you OK there, Lo?” he asked.

“ _I’m_ okay,” Logan replied with a slight edge. Roman’s face fell at the tone, and Logan immediately looked like he regretted it. “I mean—it’s okay, we can discuss it later.” When Roman still didn’t look convinced, he added. “Don’t worry.”

Roman nodded, composing himself with a slightly-forced smile. “Right, so, you wanna walk back to mine after school? So we can work on the project.”

“Yes, that sounds optimal.”

Roman rolled his eyes at Logan’s wording, his smile now genuine. “K, Teach; it’s a date.”


	16. Right?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman and Logan go home together to work on their AP lit project.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TWs: self-hate/self-deprecation, references to non-consensual touching
> 
> •••
> 
> SO THAT NEW VIDEO HUH. ROMAN STANS HOW WE FEELING. also uhhh we'll deal with the fact i named deceit ethan later shdjkdkdk

“Mom! We’re ho-ome! And Roman brought our nerd friend!” Remus yelled--far more loudly than necessary--as soon as the group stepped into the Realeza apartment.

The twins’ mother popped out from the kitchen, and waved them over. “Hi, Logan! Thank you for letting Roman stay with you last night—your father texted and let us know where he was.”

Logan nodded. “Yes. I mean—you’re welcome. Uh, anytime.” he said awkwardly. Roman shook his head with a slight smile at this  _ one _ thing his friend wasn’t smart with—social interaction.

“Alright, alright, I should get out of your hair, let you boys do your thing,” Mrs. Realeza said, “Just behave!”

“We will!” Roman replied, and they started to go up the stairs.

“Oh--and Logan, honey, if you want snacks, or to stay for dinner, feel free!” she called after them, “We oughta get some meat on a skinny boy like you!” she laughed, before returning to the kitchen.

Logan had the audacity to look startled at the statement, and Roman rolled his eyes, dragging the other boy along to his room. He also tried to ignore the stupid,  _ stupid _ pang of jealousy he felt at the words.

•••

“So, I’m thinking a climactic scene,” Roman said as he brought out his laptop. Their English project was to write a play scene, since they had just read  _ A Streetcar Named Desire _ . 

“Hm,” Logan considered it, “aren’t you an advocate for  _ not  _ doing the most obvious thing? Don’t you think everyone will be writing a climax scene?”

“You’re right,” Roman sighed, “it’s got to be original. How about-- _ oo _ ! One of those scenes right before the climax! You know, the ones that are really emotional that set in place the pieces of the huge conflict, and where the protagonist and the audience begin to realize what they’re truly in for; the overwhelming challenges they’re about to face!”

Logan couldn’t help but smile at the way Roman was already beginning to lose himself in the creative project, already gesturing and monologuing dramatically in the  _ planning  _ stage. “Pre-climax scene it is.”

“ _ You guys talking about climaxing in there?! _ ” Remus asked through the door, making both of the boys jump.

“ _ No! _ ” Roman yelled. “And how long have you been eavesdropping on us?!”

“ _ Sheesh, I was just passing by! I didn’t drop any eves! _ ” Remus called back, followed by the sounds of footsteps, indicating he had gone away again.

“Jesus Christ Superstar,” Roman mumbled to himself, before turning back to Logan, and resuming the project.

•••

“And then she’ll say—‘ _you don’t have to do this,_ _Toby. I don’t_ want _you to do this_. _’_ And, and, and--he can be all, ‘ _You might not want it, Susan. But we all_ need _it’_ ” Roman spoke in character, typing rapidly as he did so.

Logan nodded. “That works--and that’s two pages, which is technically all that’s due next class.”

Roman raised a brow at him. “I thought you would be like, ‘ohhh we should get all of it done 5 years before it’s due~!’”

Logan frowned. “Well… yes, usually I would be closer to that belief.”

“So, why not do more now? Oh… wait, I get it,” Roman said, realizing how stupid he was being, “I won’t make you stay any longer, I know you’re probably busy.” He put on a smile, hoping his friend would not it was okay, because Roman  _ knew  _ he was annoying to hang out with and loud and--

_ ‘If you just knew how to shut up, you would be so perfect!’  _ Tiffany’s words rang in his head, and Roman wasn’t sure  _ why  _ that particular memory had to resurface right now, and now he kind of wished he  _ had _ been drunk enough to forget it--

“No!” Logan said loudly, taking Roman out of his thoughts. “It’s not that, it’s… there were other things I wanted to talk about.”

“Oh. Such as…?”

Logan shook his head. “I was hoping it would come up organically,” he mumbled.

“Uh, you’re starting to make me nervous here, Teach,” Roman laughed anxiously.

“Well,” Logan made eye contact with him. “We could start with what happened at that party?”

Roman gave a prolonged groan at that. “Are you really still on about this?”

“I am still concerned.”

Roman blushed.  _ Did he really seem that pathetic? That Logan had to worry about him every day? _ “Well, the thing about it is… it’s actually a  _ really _ funny story, but I feel like you won’t see it that way.”

Logan nodded. “I probably won’t.”

“Right! Yeah, exactly! So, I don’t want you to overreact about something that’s actually really stupid and hilarious.”

“Well, I don’t think I’ll overreact.”

Roman bit his lip. Part of him actually  _ did  _ want to talk to someone about that night. Just since it had been so crazy. And if he was going to tell anyone… Logan did already know some of it. 

“Fine,” Roman relented. “Just to get you to stop bothering me about it. So, Alina invited me to some random girl’s party, I think one of the seniors. And it was, uh… fun! I mean, there was karaoke and dancing and, of course, booze. And, um, Oliver was there…” 

Logan’s brow furrowed. “And that was bad? Good?”

“It was... whatever.”

“...Do you still have feelings for him?”

“Oh, no!” Roman laughed and shook his head. “He made it  _ very  _ clear last time that we wouldn’t work out.”

Logan looked like he wanted to ask more about that, and Roman definitely wouldn’t want to answer, so he quickly resumed his tale, “Anyway, Tiffany was also there. And somehow she had the same idea as you--about me and Oliver, and she—and this is where it gets funny—she was all ‘ _I can help you make him jealous!’_ ” Roman said in a high-pitched imitation of the girl, grinning. He hoped this would help Logan understand how funny this was, but Logan was only frowning. “Anyway, so, she’s getting all touchy-touchy, lovey-dovey, and goes in to kiss me again--and I moved out of the way, so you can stop with that positively grim expression--and I start trying to explain how she just does _not_ understand how _anything_ works, and she got kinda pissy about it, aaaand that’s when I had my little freak out and called you!” Roman finished with a bright smile.

Logan’s expression, however, had only gotten increasingly upset. He looked… angry? Had Roman said something wrong? 

“I fucking hate her,” Logan growled. Roman stared at him in astonishment, opening his mouth to speak, but Logan continued before he could,“I can’t believe she--! I hate her so much, I want to… I don’t even know!”

“Logan! You said you wouldn't overreact!”

“And I’m not! This is not an  _ over _ reaction, this is an  _ appropriate _ reaction, when your friend tells you about someone who, in your words, gets all ‘touchy-touchy’ when he clearly doesn’t want her to!”

“It literally wasn’t even bad!” Roman said exasperatedly. “You make it sound like she’s some monster, as opposed to a stupid girl!”

Logan sighed, trying his best to reign himself in. “Roman, in your own words, didn’t her actions cause you to ‘freak out’?”

Roman blushed. “Well, yeah, I was being  _ stupid _ .”

“Roman,” Logan said, voice gentler than before, “being upset in that situation doesn’t make you stupid _._ _You’re_ not stupid.”

“I…” Roman was at a loss for words. Part of him wanted to dispute Logan’s statement, but something in his expression made it clear he wouldn’t listen. And, the way Logan said it… almost made him believe it.

Eventually, Roman remembered to respond, and  _ brilliantly _ said, “OK.”

Logan squinted at him. “You… know that, right?”

There was an uncharacteristic softness to Logan’s tone, and Roman snapped out of whatever annoying, moment-of-vulnerability bullshit he had been on. He put on a smirk, and said with an over-exaggerated confidence, “Well, of  _ course _ I do! I just like to make you say it,” he teased.

Logan rolled his eyes, giving Roman a slight smile, though a suspicious glint still lingered in his gaze. “Right.”


	17. Who's Janice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton brings cookies to lunch. Roman has a bad time in bio. (The author desperately attempts to fix name-related mistakes in light of the new episode.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings: eating disorder
> 
> •••
> 
> ajdjsklk call this "haha ethan? the name ethan?? what do u mean this was always part of the plan, dont worry"
> 
> also reminder to remind me if there's anything i miss in the warnings cuz i always feel like i am

“Guess who baked cookies!” Patton set a container of over-frosted sugar cookies onto the group’s lunch table, smiling brightly. “Remember--if you don’t all eat one, I’ll be offended, and I  _ will _ cry!” he continued just as cheerily.

Roman glanced up at him, hoping to convey in one look how  _ incredibly not subtle  _ this was. Patton didn’t seem to be fazed by this.

“Thank you, Patton,” Ethan said, taking a heart-shaped cookie adorned with a heap of blue frosting and yellow sprinkles. “I have to ask, what vat from the Pillsbury Frosting factory did they fall in?”

Patton pouted. “Ethan Janus Mendax! No being rude! The more frosting the better.”

Roman snorted. “Who is  _ Janice _ ?” Ethan frowned and looked away, blushing slightly.

“It’s his middle name,” Virgil said off-handedly, before seeming to realize something. “Wait--how did  _ you  _ know it, Pat? He hates it.”

Patton shrugged the question off. “I know things.”

“Does not explain anything,” Virgil pointed out.

Patton simply hummed in response to that, and instead said, “Everyone else take your cookies! Remember how offended I’ll be?” he warned.

Roman hesitated, waiting for his other friends to grab a cookie first. He took the last one, which was star-shaped with what  _ might _ have been an attempt at piping stripes. Decoration was truly  _ not  _ their fatherly friend’s strong suit.

As Roman got sidetracked in a conversation with Ethan about his middle name, Logan turned to Patton. 

“I’m going to ask you something, because you’re the least likely to make fun of me for it,” Logan said quietly to Patton.

Patton tilted his head. “Uh, OK? Why would--”

“What does Tiffany Aubert look like? From our grade.”

“...I’m  _ not _ making fun of you, but I am going to ask my own question which is...do you not know  _ anyone _ in our grade?”

Logan glared at him.

“OK, OK, sorry, sorry, why do you need to know what she looks like?”

Unfortunately for Logan’s brilliant plan, Roman tuned into the conversation at that point. “Pat, is he making you describe a girl in our grade because he has never interacted with people outside the friend group?”

“Uh,” Patton stammered, not sure whether to lie to protect Logan’s feelings or to be honest. However, this in itself was enough of an answer.

“Logan, what in Oscar Isaac’s name are you planning?!” Roman asked exasperatedly.

“...Nothing,” Logan lied.

“Lo, I swear, you do  _ not  _ need to do anything, and you  _ should _ not, because she’s probably not as bad as I made her sound!”

“Sorry, what’s going on?” Ethan asked. 

“Yeah, who is this ‘she’, and do we need to murder her?” Remus added. “Oh! There are plenty of fun ways we could go about that! Maybe with a train--”

“No! Nobody is planning anything to hurt  _ anyone _ !” Roman groaned. “Logan has just been overreacting about something.”

“I’m  _ not  _ overreacting,” Logan mumbled.

“Yeah, the last time you… and the rest of us, at first, to be fair… thought Logan was overreacting, he turned out to be  _ very  _ right,” Virgil said cautiously.

Roman looked down at the ground pointedly at the mention of  _ that  _ event. The one that prompted his friends to feel the need to bring him this extra food--which he knew was a  _ terrible  _ idea, but also he ‘had’ to eat it, and--and basically, it was still very much the elephant in the room, but he had been hoping no one would ever mention it.

“You ok there, kiddo?” Patton’s voice interrupted his thoughts softly.

Roman made himself look back up and plastered on a smile. He managed to give a mostly-convincing laugh. “Me?  _ I’m _ okay, of course!  _ You  _ all seem to be the ones who are worried over nothing.”

“Yes, because this is  _ definitely  _ ‘nothing’,” Ethan said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Roman huffed. “Yes, it  _ is. _ And anyway it doesn’t matter, it’s basically time for class anyway. So we can talk about it later,” he said dismissively. He really hoped they would  _ not  _ talk about it later.

“I guess we can,” Virgil sighed, packing up his stuff. “Ugh, we have bio.”

•••

Mr. Hastes, the bio teacher, had  _ said  _ they were going to do a lab today. Instead, he had spent 30 minutes talking about 2 example problems and his sports opinions. He wasn’t the most focused teacher.

When the class was almost over, he finally said, “Oh, and we’ll do the lab next class! Y’all can choose your lab partner now.”

Roman turned to Virgil immediately, only to find the emo already turned to Ethan. He frowned, beginning to glance around to find someone else, when Ethan tapped his shoulder.

“Hey, you think Mr. H will let us do a group of three?” he said.

“Oh, good idea!” Roman smiled. “I’ll ask--”

“Alright, does everyone have their partner?” Mr. H asked the class before Roman could speak.

Roman raised his hand. “Um, well--”

“Ah, Roman! Do you still need a group?”

“Well--”

“I still need a partner!” chimed a voice that made Roman’s stomach drop.

“Ah! Tiffany! Alright then, you two can be a group,” Mr. H said, before starting to explain the homework.

Roman didn’t listen. He felt the pit in his stomach growing as he imagined having to do a whole lab with  _ Tiffany _ . Even though, he reminded himself, it wasn’t like she could  _ do _ anything during class. And it wasn’t like she was all that bad anyway, not like Logan thought at least, it was just… a weird, big misunderstanding he was in, which he shouldn’t be so  _ upset _ about, and yet--

“Uh, Ro? Class is over,” Ethan nudged him.

“Oh,” Roman snapped back to reality. “Yeah, sorry, zoned out.”

Ethan and Virgil exchanged a look. 

“You doing… good?” Virgil asked awkwardly.

Roman nodded, looking away from them as he began to pack up.

“Sorry about the group thing, man,” Virgil continued. “I hate group projects where I’m not with any of you guys.”

“No, no, it’s whatever,” Roman said. “I don’t have to deal with it til Monday, anyway.”

“Yeah, and we also have a sleepover to get to right now,” Ethan reminded him.

“Oh, right! It’s that Friday!”

“Please, don’t tell me you forgot all your sleepover stuff again?”

“No. ..Yes. Maybe. Remus didn’t remind me!”

“You think  _ Remus  _ can remember things?!  _ You’re  _ the twin who's meant to do all that,” Ethan said. Roman huffed.

“You know, you’re such a mom sometimes,” Virgil said with a grin.

Ethan smiled and reached over, brushing Virgil’s bangs away from his face. “I don’t know  _ what  _ you’re talking about. Now let’s get going, remember: on-time is late!”


	18. Patton's House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> warnings: eating disorder, self-worth issues
> 
> •••
> 
> yes im alive can you EVEN believe it

Upon entering Patton’s home, Roman was hit with the scent of dough and honey, and the sound of humming from the kitchen. It was always a bit of a magical experience, Patton’s house--not that it was huge or extravagant or anything--but it was the very  _ essence  _ of an old, ‘home sweet home’, Christmas movie.

“Oh!” Patton’s father popped out from the kitchen upon the group walking in. “Hello, boys! Come in, come in, you can put your things on the couch! How was school?” He said as he gestured the group in.

“Baba!” Patton whined. “You shouldn’t bake things that smell so good, not when I can’t eat them right away!”

“If I didn’t bake them, you wouldn’t  _ ever  _ get to eat them,” he said teasingly.

Patton pouted. “You could at least make up for it by finally letting me get a kitten.”

“Patton, you’re  _ allergic _ ,” Virgil reminded him.

“Nuh-uh! Logan taught me today--if you regularly brush and groom your cat, you can remove enough dander that it’s not an issue! Can we get one, Baba?”

“Mm,” Patton’s father hummed, “Inshallah.”

Patton groaned.

“What does that mean?” Remus asked.

Logan, who was already on Google, translated, “if Allah wills it.”

“It  _ means  _ no,” Patton replied sourly.

Remus slung an arm around Patton. “It’s ok, Patty! I’ll get you some frogs instead.”

“Aw, thanks, Re! I’ll name all of them after you.”

“I always wanted something lumpy and covered in its own mucus named after me,” Remus sighed dreamily.

Patton’s father squinted at him, with a perplexed but amused expression. “You have  _ extremely _ odd friends, Patton.”

•••

The group played a few rounds of Never-Have-I-Ever before it came time for dinner. Perhaps Roman’s least favorite part of the day. At home it meant either awkward family conversations or Remus-and-parents-argue-time. Here, it meant being served a meal which he would feel  _ way  _ too guilty to not entirely finish. 

The good news, at least, was that Patton’s parents were  _ amazing _ cooks. If Roman was going to feel nauseous and gross from suddenly eating more than usual, at least he would do it over a curry dish which smelled  _ incredible _ . As he ate, his dumbass stomach both seemed to crave the meal desperately,  _ and _ raise alarm at eating so much out of the blue.

Roman also didn’t miss how Patton’s mother encouraged Logan to take extra. Logan was naturally, well, a noodle boy. Lanky as the day was long. And Roman  _ hated _ the part of himself which was  _ so jealous  _ every time someone told him how he needed more meat on his bones, every time he got a pitying glance.

Roman wanted to be loved like he was skinny.

•••

“Who wants to play Truth or Dare!” Remus exclaimed, immediately being shushed, seeing as it was nearing 1AM.

“Not me,” Virgil replied instantly in a more hushed tone.

“Yeah, if I know anything, it’s not to get dares from Remus,” Janus agreed.

“How about Mario Kart?” Roman suggested.

Remus pouted. “I wanna play Truth or Dare!”

“Hmm.. Truth or Mario Kart?” Patton said.

“Excuse me?” Logan asked.

“Well, only 4 people can play the switch at a time! So the other two can ask truths, and each round we rotate!”

“I’m down,” Roman agreed.

“Sure, but I don’t want to answer any of the truths. It’s not really my thing,” Ethan said. “I can ask some though.”

“Can I ask you just one before we begin?” Roman said.

“It seems like you’re going to, darling.”

“What’s your middle name?”

“You already learned it’s Janus earlier today, I think you just want to hear me say it again, because you think it’s funny.”

Roman covered a laugh. “No, no! I just forgot!”

Patton meanwhile had gotten the game set up. He passed controllers to Roman, Logan, Virgil, and Remus. “OK, Eth and I will take first truth-askers! You got anything, E?”

“Virgil,” Ethan said as they chose their characters. Roman, of course, choosing Peach. “who’s your least favorite person in the grade?”

“You mean other than you?”

“Haha.”

“Uhh, probably Alina,” Virgil answered as the race began.

“What? Alina’s nice!” Roman said, surprised.

“I know,” Virgil agreed. “That’s the problem. She’s always hanging out with you. I’m a jealous bitch over my friends, yknow.”

“Oh,” Roman blinked, uncomprehending.  _ He _ was jealous over  _ Roman _ ? Virgil of all people? The same Virgil who did barely anything but roll his eyes at what Roman said? He tried to mask his shock, molding his face into a grin. “Well, don’t worry, emo, a prep like her could  _ never  _ replace you.”

Virgil scoffed. “Uh-huh, thanks, Princey.”

“My turn! I have a truth for Logan,” Patton began. “My question is, earlier… why did you wanna know about Tiffany?”

**Author's Note:**

> While I have done research on atypical anorexia, if you have personal experience I would very much appreciate being told of I portray something in an inaccurate/insensitive/offensive way. Tysm!
> 
> If you are struggling with an eating disorder, please seek help. Stay safe, y'all <3:
> 
> https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/help-support/contact-helpline


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